On Sept. 7, 2021

TW wrote:

 

To:

The Honorable H.M.M.Thrasher

Mayor, French Lick, Indiana

re: Our Invitation To Your Advanced Tax Increment Financing (TIF) Conference

 

Dear Ungendered Mayor:

First and foremost: Congratulations on your election victory 3 years ago.

Secondly: We are a Facebook group of fugitive felons who have devoted our unofficial retirement from the penitentiary to traveling around and seeing this beautiful country. But even travel grows wearisome after a while, so we have decided to take over your town as our birthright.

Collectively, we shall always admire your war record (Party-Hearty Reveille in Relative C), but we take violent offense at the name of your township: French Lick. This is the U.S.A. –America!– not some land of hunchbacked deviants.

Preliminary research shows an annual 1.8 % fall in your population, which is a good start, but there remains the possibility that your pile of rubes and skanks might do something rash -or something to create one- and we would then be inundated with even more French Lickers.

Actually, it is good that we’re coming; your very existence is a cry for help. Your website has boils and needs glasses and seems to place the Prosecutor’s Office as a high-point of interest even though we planned to remove him from the scenery. It finally locked us into a loop of death upon clicking Solid Waste, which is a shame as we wanted to hire them to play at our forthcoming mass wedding.

Also: Ray did not put that llama head in your bed, and you must be insane to even think so.